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Dysfunctional Relationships Essay, Research Paper

Dysfunctional Relationships In dysfunctional relationships the problems of couples is the incomplete mastery of one or more important developmental tasks, which contributes to significant relationships concerns. The extent of such deficits will dictate to a large degree how, in the present, they cope, and find solutions with the tensions of unmet needs. Insufficient communication can cause a dysfunctional relationship, which may cause problems such as codependency, signs of unhealthy boundaries, and questions of love or infatuation.The codependent is bound and often tormented by the way things were in the dysfunctional family of origin. The codependent’s relationship with a spouse or significant other is marred by a damaging lack of balance between dependence and independence. The codependent s self-esteem is very low, therefore they constantly look for the something that is missing or lacking in life. Their self-esteem is bolstered by other influences. They can not acknowledge good things about themselves. They are either super responsible or super irresponsible; they cant say no because of the need for approval. They set no limits and set them selves up for prime candidates for burn out. Codependent s have no sense of cooperation or working with others. They are used to doing things for themselves. That is how they survived during childhood. The codependent will continually torment themselves. Some will succumb to addictions to chemicals, to cause pain to other people to improve or protect themselves. No matter what the cost, they seek relief from their pain in whatever ways possible. Having had a complete moral, physical, emotional, spiritual and financial breakdown as the result of this kind of thinking and living, they try to drag everyone around them to their level and practice their principles in all their affairs.A codependent is constantly looking for the something that is missing or lacking in life. Most codependents share the same feelings when it comes to emotional distress. The problems of a codependent must be recognized before any solutions can be thought of. Here are a few things that codependent thinks. This will help us to understand them so that we may offer solutions to them. We guess at what is normal, we don t recognize normal behavior when we see it. We have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end. We have the idea of the steps necessary to carry the idea out. We learned that it is intentions that count, not the behavior. We lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. We judge ourselves without mercy. We have difficulty having fun and difficulty in intimate relationships because of the fears of abandonment are too great to allow us to ease into a relationship. A codependent is certain his or her happiness hinges on others. They tend to fear or worry how other s may respond to their feelings because they don t want to be hurt or rejected by others. A codependents serenity and mental attention is determined by how others are feeling or behaving. They question or ignore their own values to connect with significant others. They value other opinions more than their own and tend to judge everything they do, think, or say (Susan M. Campbell). This is a list of statements that a codependent might say. This list was devised by Codependents Anonymous to help give a better understanding of the codependent as a whole, so that solutions from these problems can be dealt with. (1) My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you. (2) My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you. (3) Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or receiving your pain. (4) My mental attention is focused on pleasing , protecting, and manipulating you to do it my way. (5) My own hobbies and interest are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interest and hobbies. (6) Your clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me. (7) I am not aware of how I feel; I am not aware of what I want; I ask you what you want. If I am not aware, I assume. (8) I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship. (9) My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you. (10) The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours. It s plain to see that the codependent happiness hinges on others ( Thomas Nelson). The difference between couples who manage to get along well verses those who get along poorly does not necessarily lie in the number of disagreements they are having, but rather in the way they go about finding solutions to resolving those disagreements. It s best to recognize when your communication is creating more of a problem than the problem itself. For example, a husband might say, “I like talking with you about what happened on your job today. Communication and decision making are basic in marital interaction. While success in these two areas is generally taken for granted, difficulties are by no means infrequent. Indeed, a significant number of couples seeking help for their marriage have some real limitations in these areas, which may threaten the very existence of the marriages. Communication difficulties are probably the most common type of problem encountered in couples who seek assistance to improve their interpersonal relationships (Tom R. Blaine 73). Among the frequently heard complaints are that partners argue, quarrel, nag, insult, or put each other down; talk past each other, don t say what they mean, mislead, talk out of both sides of their mouth, or lie, talk to much or too little, too softly, or too loudly; never offer praise or acknowledgment for doing a good job; that their is too much gloomy talk and too little talk that is pleasant. All of these are signs of communication failure in a relationship.Physical and emotional abuse of the other person

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