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are signs of unhealthy boundaries. Conflict may occur also as a result of a mate s growth over time. If one partner changes, the familiar role expectation of the relationship will be disrupted. Christians do not dwell on the weaknesses and short comings of their spouses. As Luther says in his explanation of the Eighth Commandments, They defend him , speak well of him, and put the best construction on everything. (W. J Fields). Further, if this partner presses to change some of the original rules, the ground is laid for potential conflict. This is more likely to occur when the growth of partners is unequal and one partner is rigid in role expectations and resistant to change. Even after we learn to make effective choices, and handle most situations autonomously, when it comes to intimate relationships we can still get caught up in dysfunctional destructive and dependent attitudes and behaviors. This is a result of our being bombarded with images that imply love and dependency are the same thing. For example, lovers should depend on each other to supply their needs, take care of them, and make it better . They should need each other (You are my happiness, I d die without you), they are incomplete without each other and the two should become one losing their individual personalities, friend, interests, and opinions in the process. This dependent dysfunctional image of love has been reinforced by generations of songs, poetry, plays, books, moves and TV soap operas. They have celebrated a dependent model of romance emphasizing neediness and desperation. The ideal lover is supposed to love us no matter how unreasonable we are, always be there when we want or need them, always know exactly how to soothe our hurts, always knows precisely what we want and put our needs before his or her own needs. In considering what solutions for improvement you would like to see in your relationship, you need to make a practical decision about which changes you should attempt first ( Aaron T. Beck 167). Dependent people are like the unsocialized infant that wants what they want when they want it, with no return offered, and they experience rage and hurt when their needs aren t met. This dependency based image of love, although exciting and fulfilling at first, is not sustainable. The relationship can not flourish. Since no one can care for their needs as well as themselves, one or both of them will wind up felling cheated, used, neglected, unloved and generally dissatisfied. Dysfunctional relationships happen because our first experience of intimate relationships was with parents who made it better and took care of you as a child. Because of this pattern they either assume that someone will always be there to take care of them and make it better, or they look to replace the care they never got as a child and make the pain of neglect or abuse go away. Although their adult mind may outgrow this, your subconscious child mind does not. When this happens, they expect that when they fall in love that person will be an ideal parent, just as their real parent was or should have been. On the surface they are looking for someone they can enjoy and have fun with, but secretly, the dependent, wounded child is searching for a substitute parent or someone who would take care of them, make their wounds better, care about their feelings, and accept them for who they are unconditionally.

Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives them strength and grows beyond them to bolster their beloved. They are warmed by their presence even when there away. Miles do not separate them. Near or far they know their theirs and they can wait. Love says, Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence. Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap (George W. Forell 38). Love is the maturation of friendship. They must be friends before they can be lovers. This bond that is to develop between husband and wife is so close and so beautiful that God compares it to the most sacred relationship that a man could know between Christ and the church. In Ephesians Paul says: Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25)…. As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24). This is meaningful and significant to Christians because they know something of the relationship of Christ to His church and of the church to Christ. This relationship is at the very center of their lives. Love is unity that should become more firm and wonderful through the experiences of each passing day (W. J. Fields 34). Love addiction is a psychological addiction; a result of unfulfilled childhood needs. What people learned in their relationship with their parents, they will inevitably transfer onto their relationships with their mate. Explained by Sheila Cummings A Parent child interactions which have been experienced time and time again, especially under intense emotional conditions, will be repeated in their adult relationships. Sometimes they might seek a partner to act out the parent part with them. At other times, they might assume those early parental behaviors themselves (Billie S. Ables 1). This may even occur without their awareness. For some individuals, an attempt to make up for early losses exaggerates the present need for closeness; this may lead over involvement with, and excessive dependence on, the partner. The extreme cases, some couples maintain a pathological mutual dependency. They present a kind of symbiotic fusion, with a life and death quality in the intensity of their clinging attachment to each other. Each attempts to utilize the other with no appreciation of the separateness of the spouse s needs and views. Each maintains an exclusive focus on self needs. Excessive attachment may be acted out in other ways. A spouse may refuse to accept